Maturity And Knowing One Another

In some ways, whom you choose to marry is a matter of right or wrong. Spiritual wisdom comes from God, but in many ways, the decision requires considerable judgment - not necessarily absolute rights or wrong but I believe it is important to have wisdom and consider the advice of elderly ones around you. That was why Solomon told his son when advising him about relationships with women to pay attention to wisdom and preserve discretion. Proverbs 5:1-2.

 Choose A Companion Based On Character, Not Emotions.
Genesis 24 - Abraham's servant found a wife for Isaac. The couple never met till their wedding. And the specific choice was arranged by God (verse 50 & 51), which cannot be done today. But Abraham insisted that the bride come from his family so he knew her background, not from the wicked people of the land. And the decision was made by a man of wise judgment who entreated the blessing of God.

Genesis 29 - Jacob also went back to his mother's family to find a companion, because the young people where he lived were ungodly. He made his own decision that he wanted to marry Rachel after he had lived with her family for a month (v14). And the agreement was that he would still not marry her till seven years later.

Ruth 2 - Ruth gleaned in the fields of Boaz throughout the length of the barley harvest and the wheat harvest. At the end of this period they determined to marry. However, this too involved some differences from today. Ruth was a widow whose husband died without descendants. Boaz was a near kinsman of Ruth, and the law required him to take her as wife to raise up seed to her husband. But, he knew her well by reputation. Her past life and conduct had been fully reported to him (2:11). She was known throughout the town as a virtuous woman (3:11).

You should love your spouse, but we will see that Bible love is more choice and commitment than emotion. Feelings are important in marriage; but if you marry a person of godly character, you can learn to love him/her. But a person of ungodly character will be a source of constant trouble to a Christian.

Before you marry you need to know - not just assume or even suspect - that your future spouse possesses these qualities. If not, either look elsewhere or give him/her time to change and prove they will be godly.

The entertainment industry bombards us with the romantic line to "just let your heart decide." Couples who have seriously different backgrounds meet, "fall in love," get married, and live happily ever after. Girls meet guys with immoral backgrounds and decide to reform them. This puts stars in the eyes of romantic, idealistic young women. But it is foolish and incredibly dangerous.

Proverbs 28:26 - He who trusts in his own heart is a fool. Do not choose a spouse on the basis of feelings or instincts.

Feelings come and go. You have highs and lows. People feel excited and high today, but tomorrow feel down and blue. This is normal for all people, even those who have a good marriage. If you marry because a person excites you, you may regret the decision when the fire goes out.

Character should remain constant. Feelings come and go. Base your choice on character and you can sustain the relationship. Know one another well over a number of periods of emotional ups and downs, to see if your commitment can survive the downs as well as the ups.

 Know One Another Very Well Before Committing To Marriage.
In order to choose a companion based on character, it follows that you must know a person's character and know it well in order to judge wisely.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 - Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. Marriage is a commitment before God. Do not enter it rashly.

Generally, you should have known one another for a long time. We recommended that children take a period of at least two years to learn more about a person before they marry them - longer, if there were any significant questions about the person's character or spirituality. But the issue is not how long you know one another so much as how well you know one another. In some circumstances people get to know one another more quickly than in others.

Talk about issues of importance in marriage. Ask the other person their views about marriage, children, and especially about spiritual matters. Express your views and get their reaction. Study the Bible together. Learn your areas of agreement and disagreement.

And learn to work out your differences. Do not ignore your disagreements. Many people think their problems will just work out after marriage. How do you know? Usually they get worse! Discuss them now and see how well you are able to work out problems. Every marriage has problems. If you can't work out problems, you cannot succeed in marriage.

If you and your friend have not thoroughly discussed what you expect from marriage - and if you have not demonstrated your ability to resolve differences - you are not ready to get married.

Spend time together under many different circumstances. (Proverbs 23:7) says, ‘For as he thinks in his heart, so is he’. "Talk is cheap." Don't base your decision just on talk. Get to know a person's heart.

Typical dating situations hide flaws. Couples put on their best behavior and best appearance to attract the other person. Friends and family may not tell you what they know about the person's shortcomings. After marriage, when all the character flaws become obvious it might be too late. You need to know his or her character before marriage.

Consider A Person's Reputation And The Judgment Of Godly Family And Friends.
Proverbs 15:22 - Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established.

Boaz knew Ruth was a godly woman, because she had that reputation throughout the whole city. Sometimes a person's reputation - good or bad - is not deserved. But before you marry someone whose reputation is not good, make sure you know why they have that reputation.

Get to know well the family and friends of your potential spouse. Seek the honest evaluation of people who know the other person well and whose godly wisdom you trust.
The opinions of others should not be final, but consider them carefully.

C. Both Of You Should Be Old Enough To Make Mature Judgments
1 Corinthians 14:20 - Do not be children in understanding; in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature. Describing a young man who lacked wisdom in his choice of women, Solomon said, "I perceived among the youths, a young man devoid of understanding." Proverbs 7:7.

Not all youths are foolish, but youths generally lack the mature judgment needed to make a wise marriage choice. Wisdom and good judgment come with age. A choice of a marriage companion requires mature judgment.

Choosing a marriage companion is too serious to be made by immature people. The problem is that teenagers often tend to think they are much more mature than they are!

Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. If you follow the Bible, you will live the rest of your life with the person you choose. It is a choice you cannot change. It requires a mature decision. And maturity requires experience. And experience takes time. Young people need experience with life and people before they make a choice. Often young people are not settled regarding what they want in a spouse.

Observe older couples who have good marriages that have stood the test of time, and see what kind of person you want to marry. Consider people whose marriages have failed and learn what kind of person you don't want to marry.

"Marry in haste, and repent in leisure." Studies confirm the wisdom of this. You will live with this person all the rest of your life, so why rush into it? Don't jump into exclusive relationships. And above all, don't jump into marriage. Take your time and make wise decisions.

If in doubt, wait! What do you have to lose by waiting, even another year or two? By taking your time to make sure of your choice, you have everything to gain and very little to lose.

Source: Successdigestonline